Grace is Messy

I recently had a beautiful conversation with a client, during which she said that she was having doubts as to whether or not she could navigate her way through her current situation with grace.  

It got me thinking about that word, grace.  I think we have an interesting interpretation of what that word means, so I asked her, “What does grace mean to you?”  As a practitioner/trainer of NLP I know that we all have a different picture of what words mean and my definition might have been different than hers.

What she described to me, is what I suspect many of us attribute to that word.  The image of being all zen and calm and gliding with total ease through the shit show that life can often be.  It made me smile because I get it. So I offered the following paradigm shift:

What if grace was messy?  What if we could redefine what even Webster’s Dictionary has to say about it.

Definition: -noun

  1. Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
  2. A pleasing or attractive quality of endowment

What if we decided that what is “elegant and beautiful” is what is real and raw.  That “pleasing or attractive” were not what society deems as such, but rather the actual truth of being a human being which is often gritty, unpredictable, and wild.

Having grace is not about having it all figured out.  It is not about skating through the difficult times pretending to be enlightened about it.  That is quite simply just spiritual bypassing.

Grace is having the courage to be in the thick of it.  Grace is having the strength to lean into the discomfort and go through the muck of it. And to do it all with compassion, self-forgiveness, and above all else, kindness.

With that, I asked her again, “So with that new perspective on the word, can you move through this with grace?”

With tears in her eyes she said “yes…yes I can.”

The truth is, no matter how far down a spiritual or personal growth path you are, you DO NOT have to have it all figured out.  We DO NOT need to pretend that it is easy. Especially true for women in our society, but in many ways relevant to men as well, we do not have to make it all look pretty and pristine.

Authenticity is what really defines beauty and elegance.  Being in a space of honesty is what ought to be pleasing and attractive.

So dear one, please hear me when I tell you that you can be in a space of grace and be messy all at the same time.  One does not preclude the other.

Now that you have been reminded of this, how can you choose to be in a state of grace as you navigate your way through a dark time? How will you allow yourself to be both messy/real and in that state grace?

Take some time to journal about what that would look, sound and feel like to you.  Feel free to share it here, post it in the Radical Resilience Facebook group, or simply keep it close to your own heart.  And know that you are loved, supported, and held in grace.

From my graceful and messy heart to yours always…

With Aloha,

PK

 

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I spend a lot of my time thinking about and creating tools and strategies for people to cultivate resilience.  My life’s work is a culmination of 20 plus years in the personal growth/development and spirituality field which has most recently manifested as the 7 Pillars of Resilience.  

I recently did an extended FB live inside my group Radical Resilience about the pillars, what they are, how they were created, and how to begin integrating them into your life.  I believe in this work with my whole heart and I know that regardless of whether you are going through something massive like losing a loved one, a job, a relationship, or simply navigating your way through the day to day of being alive, this system works.

That said, I did think it was necessary to address what we go through and how we respond in the initial shock of the sudden and unexpected loss or change.

It isn’t that the pillars don’t apply in these scenarios, I just believe its good to provide some insight and guidelines based on what I have seen, and experienced both with myself and with my thousands of students and clients.

When something comes out of left field and blindsides us, most of us have a sort of go-to coping mechanism for dealing with the shock.  And I will say, usually what we default to, isn’t all that useful. It can take the edge off initially, and then we do have to take a second to just acknowledge and be with what’s happened before we begin to transition into working the pillars.

If you know me or have read my stuff in the past, you know that I am no stranger to sudden unexpected twists and turns.  My dad passed away in an instant and nobody saw it coming. My ex-husband told me he didn’t want to be married quite suddenly and again, not a soul that knew us would have expected that.  Most recently I had a turn of events professionally that has left many people quite literally in a state of disbelief with their jaw on the ground. I share this to give you a frame that I get it when it comes to unexpected shifts. 

I recently had a conversation about this very topic with a woman I refer to as my adopted mom who has been such a source of strength and unconditional love in my life.

An incredible practitioner in the mental health field, she had experienced a very similar scenario to mine in her professional arena about seven months ago.

We both agreed that no matter who you are and how you try to rationalize what has happened or make “sense” of it, it is really fucking hard and for many of us in this industry, whether in the mental health space, coaches, healers, teachers, or spiritual guides, we tell ourselves it shouldn’t be as hard.  As a result, we try and “tool” and “technique” our way out of the absolute devastation of the initial blow. I know I certainly have. That and as I mentioned previously, we have our go-to default mode.

For me, I go into what I refer to as “warrior mode”. I get uber focused on what needs to be done and immediately start crafting strategies and getting to work.  I typically don’t pause to even take a breath much less actually acknowledge that something incredibly significant has happened, and I run around telling everyone that I am fine…I am really fine. 

The great thing about having an amazing tribe of sisters who are willing to call you on your shit is that when you run your old crazy patterns, they let you know. So most recently when I got into that mode the day after the proverbial shit hit the fan, my dear friend Lisane Basquiat (who never lets me get away with anything and I love her for it) said: “Pegah nobody doubts that you are going to come through this and be more than ok, but have you actually taken a second to just acknowledge to yourself that you’re going through something really big here?”  

The instant she said that all my armor came crashing down around me and I burst into tears.  I had run myself into a state of exhaustion in just one day and I realized that if I kept going at that pace without leaning into the myriad of emotions that needed to be processed, I would most certainly burn out and probably get injured or sick.

I am so grateful for her, and for that breakdown.

As strong, ambitious, high-achieving people, the go-to response is usually armor and action and what I needed was to pause and acknowledge my vulnerability.  What I needed was to feel and not think.

So, ever since that moment, even as I continue to forge onward crafting and creating what’s next, I work the hell out of these pillars that created and teach and I allow myself to let all the feelings come up, move through, and move out.  I have found that when we don’t do that,  is when we create baggage that will bite us in the ass later.

So dear one, I ask you to consider what your go-to responses and default mechanisms are when you are caught off guard or blinded sided with some sudden unexpected change or loss.  Are those usual modes of operating serving you? How could you shift into a softer more feminine energy and allow yourself the gift of vulnerability and feeling versus thinking and maneuvering?

Take some time to journal about it and share your insights here.  You can always share your thoughts in the Facebook group as well. If you are not already a member, just look up Radical Resilience Group and send a request to be added.  The group is an incredible space of love and support and the members are really really active. I would love to see you there or hear from you in any way see fit.

From my loving heart to yours…

With Aloha,
PK

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How Do You Define Family?

Father’s Day was about a week ago and I was so fortunate to spend it with my brother and his family.  My brother has always been a source of strength, stability, and in many ways a father figure to me in his own right.  Given that we lost our dad last year, we were both happy to be able to celebrate him together while my brother also got to have his beautiful kids and amazing wife there as well.

As he and I were driving back from our camping trip, we started to talk about family.  Ours is a small one these days and as much as we both love each and every member with our whole hearts, we acknowledge that at times, we can be a bit disjointed and inconsistent.  So it got us thinking about what family really is.

I loved this conversation because it pertains to the Resilience work I do so much.  A truly integral part of cultivating resilience is connection and community and for many people, that doesn’t quite exist in their given family.

I am of the school that believes that we pick our family for a very specific purpose before we come to this planet.  I believe that they each have tremendous lessons to teach us whether our relationships with them are easy and functional or challenging.

Those are the folks we chose before we got here but there are also people we consciously select to be our family.  People we often refer to as our community or our tribe. These people are made up of our friends, our lovers, and a network of support.

I define family as people who are there to provide us and receive from us unconditional love, support, and reflection. They are there to hold us up when we can’t stand on our own, but also to be a ruthless reflection back to us and call us on our shit when we are not vibrating at our highest and not being our true selves.

They are there to hold space for us to be human, to cry, to grieve, and also there to share in and celebrate with us in our triumphs and successes.  They are there to teach us and learn from us. That is how I define family. I am incredibly blessed to have a pretty big one and I give thanks for both my given and consciously selected family every day.

So dear one, I am just curious, how do you define family?

How has the family you were born into shaped who you are?

How has your consciously chosen family done the same?

Leave a comment here so we can all benefit from each other’s insights.

From my loving heart to your…

With Aloha,
PK

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A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about leaning in. It is a fundamental aspect of healing and transformation to come to a space of unconditional acceptance of what is.  In fact, it is one of the 7 Pillars of Resilience as I have humbly been able to identify them.

Since they came to me in that divine download, I do my very best every day to live by them and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge and confess that at times can feel impossibly hard.

I have been going through an interesting time in my life this past month and a half. There have been massive transitions which I definitely didn’t see coming while trying to navigate my way through another truly complicated and challenging situation and simultaneously celebrating and grieving my dad all over again. (That is the nature of Father’s Day I guess).

And today while waiting at the airport terminal I suddenly found it all so painful that I honestly didn’t feel like I could breathe.  In my effort to avoid the pain (because it is human nature do that), I tried listening to music, (turns our sad songs only make matters worse), calling friends to distract me (luckily nobody answered), and everyone’s favorite, scrolling through social media. The truth? Nothing helped.

So, I thought what the hell.  Let me just go ahead and practice what I teach and lean into all this discomfort.

And this little resistant voice pipe up and said, “but Pegah, what if it just hurts too much?”  It was a legitimate question and I found myself responding with an NLP response…”Too much as compared to what?”

The answer just made me laugh.  The fact is that we can’t compare our pain.  To say something hurts too much is comparing it to something but leaving out what we are comparing it to.  And when I actually stepped back to attempt to compare this pain to the pain of actually losing my dad, or the loss of past relationships, or other past challenges, I realized that they are each unique.  Each exquisite in their own right. Each worth their very own brand of sadness. This is just one more moment in time sent to allow me to practice the grace of self-acceptance, and the very human gift of experiencing pain to really know and appreciate all that is pleasurable in my life.

All of that saying “yes” to it, slowly made the hurt begin to dissipate.  All that embracing what is, simply allowed it to dissolve. It is all energy after all and able to transmute and change form.  So it did. All that hurt suddenly began to soften into my heart and take its rightful place next to all the other events in the past that have taught me so much.  All the lessons that continue to allow me to step fully into who I am and move gracefully down the path of fulfilling my purpose.

So dear one, next time it hurts, and I know it is never fun when it does, what if you just began to pay attention to it with love and compassion? What if you just said “yes” and allowed it to be there until it was ready to dissolve? What if you didn’t numb it, shove it down, or distract yourself from it? I wonder if there might be a moment of clarity inside that pain just before it fades and integrates into your loving heart.

From my aching heart to yours…

With Aloha,
PK

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It Is All Inside of You

Warning: We are gonna get pretty out there with this one but I promise to make it practical and applicable for ya.

Recently I had a conversation with a client where she said to me that she loved a book I recommended to her because it has taught her certain things that she didn’t know.  I found the comment interesting and even more than that, I found my response even more fascinating.

I found myself saying to her that the book had nothing new to say. That in fact, the information in the book was just one person’s interpretation of knowledge that she already had inside of her but simply had not accessed or more accurately, tuned into.

We have an interesting notion about learning and knowledge in general.  We think that there are teachers, books, gurus, seers that know better or more than we do.

Now if you read my post a couple of weeks ago you know that I don’t actually buy into the fact that someone knows better than you.  The moment you believe that you have now somehow put that person in a league above yourself.

This is not to say that there are not teachers or spiritual guides that are not more tuned in than we are, but they don’t actually know anything that we don’t. They are simply accessing that knowledge in ways we may not have yet.

Let me simplify. I will come at this from both a spiritual perspective and a quantum physics one.  Honestly, they both say the same thing anyway so it doesn’t really matter whether you prefer science or spiritually.  All roads lead to the same path they say.

If from a spiritual perspective we are all one, (“There is only one of us here” -Marianne Williamson from A Course in Miracles) and we are all connected to the collective consciousness, then our minds are all interconnected with the source of all information and there truly is nothing we don’t already know.  It is just a matter of xwhether we have plugged in and downloaded it or not.

Now, to avoid sounding too out there, plugging in and downloading can look like reading a book, or taking a course, or listening to someone. That said, however, the information in and of itself is not new. It has always been there. We have always known it.  We simply forgot.

This is the same thing that is said in Conversations with God by Neil Donald Walsh.

And if you want to look at it from a physics perspective, if you consider quantum entanglement and the quantum field which in very simple terms simply state that our energy fields are all inextricably connected, then this idea still holds true.  (If you are like, “quantum what?”, may I humbly refer you to The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbott. 

Now, why would I go to such great lengths to write an article about this? Because very simply, this is about reclaiming your power, and coming to terms with the fact (and the NLP presupposition or convenient assumptions) that everything you need and I mean EVERYTHING you need to achieve your desired outcomes or goals or dreams is right there inside of you.  The question is, are you tapping in? Are you tuning in? Are you plugging into your own amazing genius? Or are you running around thinking that everyone knows better than you and the innate wisdom you have inside?

I am a big believer in expanding our knowledge and continuing to access more and more of ourselves through training and development.  I am a teacher for heaven’s sake. And the important thing to keep in mind and something that I am very present to as a teacher is that neither I nor anyone else actually knows more about anything then you do.  They have just tapped into that knowledge and they are reminding you of what you already know. That, by the way, is why when you really learn something, you say to yourself “well that make sense” because on some level you are just remembering something that was already there.

Ok, so what do you do with this? Own your power.  Start reclaiming who and what you really are. You are a human expression of the divine collective consciousness. Or you can call it source.  Or you can call it God or you can call it whatever you want. You are far beyond anything you can conceive about yourself consciously.

So, next time you find yourself in a state of hero worship or putting a teacher or guru up on a pedestal, remember who you are and that nothing and no one is above you.  Just like you are above nothing or anyone else.

You dear one are such a unique expression of the universal light that is the source of all we know.  Go out there and shine as bright as you possibly can because you have enough. You know enough. You ARE enough.

From my loving and reminded heart to all of yours…

With Aloha,

PK

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Again? Really?

I recently returned from leading a yoga retreat in Greece with 22 incredible people. There was a mixed group with both married and single folks on the trip.  Some were young and experiencing their first love. Some were in the midst of a divorce, some happily married or in relationships and some hoping to find that special someone.

The question I got a lot from the single folks seeking a relationship or those in the midst of a breakup was some variation of the following: “I seem to keep getting in the same relationship with a different person over and over again.  What can I do to change this?

I love this questions because first of all, it demonstrates a level of awareness that a lot of people do not have.  To realize that you are repeating a pattern is the first step to interrupting it and creating a new behavior.

There are a few different factors to consider when something like this keeps happening.  Whenever we repeat any behavior pattern, whether it be in the context of a relationship or another area of life, it is important to look at what is causing that behavior.

Big picture, what we have to do is examine the deeper level programming that is creating this.

As with any scenario, it is difficult to give a “cookie cutter” answer because for every individual the root cause of what is causing them to derail is different.  There are however a few things that could be contributing to a person repeating a pattern of behavior like continuing to attract and engage in the same relationship only with a different person over and over again.

As human beings we not only come into this world with certain programming, we also acquire quite a bit well before we have enough awareness to know any better.  In fact, 95% of who we are going to become is pretty much installed by the time we are anywhere from age 2-5.

Some people hear this and think, “oh no! I am totally screwed.” Actually, the good news is that once we uncover the programming we have a lot of different ways to address and get rid of the bugs in the programming, otherwise referred to as baggage.

When I see this kind of thing with clients and students, usually it comes down to one of three or all of the following things.

1. There is a limiting belief about the individual that has them continuing to make choices that are less than ideal for them when it comes to their partner. Usually, they have also generalized a belief about men/women as well.

2. There are negative emotions in the area of relationship and usually about worthiness.

3. They have a parts conflict that is causing them to self-sabotage even when they are in a good relationship because they have opposing parts that are getting activated whenever they are happy.

When doing a breakthrough session, I find that all three of these things are usually contributing to what is going on.

The other thing to consider is really from a spiritual perspective which is that, if we keep repeating a cycle over and over again, it is likely that there is a lesson there that we haven’t learned yet. Until we actually get the learning, we may keep doing the same behavior until we get clear on what it is we are meant to gain from that scenario.

I can tell you from personal experience, that was me.  It wasn’t so much that I kept dating the same guy with a different name, but I kept recreating a particular scenario which resulted in a particular behavior that would cause the relationship to unravel.

I had to really take a step back, look at the big picture, and see what the pattern was before I could break free from it.

So, if you find yourself recreating the same situation in relationships, career, or even your health, the best thing to do is ask yourself, what is the lesson here? When you get the lesson, the baggage can release.

Once you have cleared out the baggage, then get really clear about what it is you DO want in a relationship.  Get specific and create a compelling vision of the relationship you want and deserve. Set the intention to meet that person and be in an amazing relationship and then get into action!

Remember that the 4 requisites for change are

1. Release negative emotions
2. Create a compelling future (set a goal)
3. Take Action
4. Maintain your focus (which includes setting and maintaining your boundaries as well.)

And then start reinforcing the positive behaviors that you do want to cultivate by practicing.  Remember that a behavior needs repetition to really stick.

So dear one here is to uncovering the source of your repeated patterns so you can create all that you truly deserve.

From my loving heart to yours…

With Aloha,
PK

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Let’s Rise Together

Last week I wrote a post about knowing or finding your tribe and really connecting with them. A big part of practicing resilience is about connecting with a community and allowing yourself to receive support while also being willing to give back in return.

I am here in Greece leading a yoga retreat with twenty-two amazing yogis and this morning I taught a Buti yoga class which combines tribal dance with yoga. It is such an empowering practice and especially liberating for women because it allows us to unleash that beautiful Shakti energy and be in our feminine power.

That said, the theme for today’s class was that of connection and collaboration rather than competition or comparison.

As people, not even just women, we tend to separate ourselves from one another by feeling like we need to compete, compare, or idolize.

In many ancient wisdom traditions, it is believed that this sense of separation is what keeps us in the illusion or the nightmare of our fear.  As stated in A Course In Miracles, the truth is that there is only one of us here and what you do to another, you do to yourself. When you cut yourself down, you are cutting down your fellow brothers and sisters. When you compete, you live in a space of scarcity and when you idolize, you give your power away and go to sleep. You literally enter into a state of trance.

To truly rise up and feel empowered it is important to remember that we are all on an equal playing field. Someone may know more about one thing than another but that doesn’t make them anymore or less powerful or important.

We all have a unique gift to offer the world. We all have a unique light to shine. We are all worthy of connection and love.

When we recognize that, we can send love to those who challenge us. We can celebrate the success of those we think are our rivals or competitors. We can take our idols off their pedestals and allow them to be human. We can accept that the reason we admire them is because that which we see in them, actually resides right there inside of us. We are all simply a reflection of one another.

So, dear one, how can you elevate yourself by elevating your fellow sister or brother? What are you willing to give up? Who are you willing to be? What are you willing to do differently so we can all rise up?

Because when we rise together, we rise stronger than ever.

From my loving resilient heart to yours…

With Aloha,
PK

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Who Is Your Tribe?

Let me start this post by saying I have never been more present to the importance of having a tribe and a community of support in my life as I have this past week.

It has been a doozie and yet, I am so grateful for every moment and every lesson.

That said, without the incredible tribe of people I have in my life, I am not sure I would have made it through with as much grace and grit as I have.

As human beings, we are hard-wired for connection.  We cannot do this little dance called life alone.

We are built for not only connection but a community.  We thrive when we have a solid and unwavering support system that we know we can turn to and lean upon unconditionally.

One of the most important and foundational aspects of resilience is one’s ability to not only connect with and rely on their community but also one’s willingness to give back and contribute to said community.

This week I have called on every single one of my tribe. Whether it has been for emotional support, legal guidance, collaboration, or just to simply have lunch and laugh.

I called upon my Ohana (the Hawaiian word for family) and they stepped up like an army of light ready to hold me in grace and love.

In turn, I have also given back to them. Most recently I had a client that needed a referral for her son and I connected her with the just the right person.  That and I created a forum for people to connect in community and support one another.

I used to think I had to go it alone.  I had misconceptions that it was somehow heroic to be a lone wolf.  From me to you, that is utter bullshit.

It is far more brave to be vulnerable to know when you need help and even more courageous to actually reach out and ask for it.

We are meant to do this thing together. So, I ask you dear one, who is your tribe? Have you reached out to them lately to connect?  Could you use their support? And finally, how have you been giving back to them?

You are not alone. You do not have to go it alone. We are all here for you.

From my grateful heart from our collective grateful heart to yours,

With Aloha,

PK

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Have you ever heard the saying that when difficult times happen, when you are nervous, when you are experiencing pain etc. you should lean in?

I used to hear that and it would just piss me off!  The last freaking thing I wanted was to accept and lean in.

And honestly, we are not trained this way as a culture.  Most people when shit hits the fan have their coping mechanism and it usually consists of some way to numb.  Whether that is food, alcohol, sex, work, or just binge-watching Netflix (although there is definitely a time and place for that!). Even when we just have a headache, we more often than not take a couple pills to make it go away. So, of course, our reaction is even more extreme when are experiencing depression, nerves or just going through a normal grieving/healing process.

I get it.  As human beings, we are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.  It makes sense because it has been a way for our species to survive.

Thousands of years ago, if you were in pain, chances were it was something that was going to potentially threaten your life.  Even something as beautiful and natural as childbirth was potentially dangerous because we didn’t have the technological and advances in medical science that we do today.

The problem with wanting to avoid, run from, or numb things that are unpleasant however is we fail to get the message.

If you think about it, when your body is pain, it is trying to communicate something to you.  I recently injured my shoulder and tried to push through it only to make things worse. What my body was attempting to tell me was that I was doing too much and that I needed a few days of recovery time.

When we experience emotional discomfort it is because there is something our unconscious mind wants us to pay attention to.  Either we need a course correction or, there is baggage that is begging to be released.

So, though I can appreciate that we are designed as a human race to avoid pain and seek pleasure, it is worth taking a moment to get curious and consider what on earth the lesson (Ano’ ai) or message might be before running to seek a remedy.

There is, of course, a time to get medical attention and address things with medication and even then, there is an opportunity to seek the wisdom of your body’s communication.

So dear one, as much as it used to piss me off when I would hear it (there is even a book with the title) you really do want to “lean in.”  From a Buddhist perspective, it is about saying yes with the attitude of curiosity and a desire to seek an answer.

So, inquire and trust that all the pain, heartache, grief, and/or illness isn’t happening to you but rather it is happening for you.  

Perhaps you will one day even look back at what is going down today and be grateful for all of it.

Nobody is saying it is easy but trust me when I say that what you have to gain on the other side is always worth it.

From my accepting heart to yours…
With Aloha,
PK

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It Has to Start With You

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about falling in love.  Not just falling in love in the typical way we think, but being in a state love as much as we can.  Loving everything that we do in day-to-day life.

I got to thinking about this and realized that I may have left out a really crucial piece of this puzzle, which is that it actually has to start with you.

I used to hear all the time about how important it is to love yourself and though I agreed, I didn’t really know what that meant.

I spent a large portion of my life trying to earn people’s love.  Whether it was from friends, or my intimate relationships, I was in this skewed mindset that I had to somehow do things to be worthy of people’s love and respect.

I also had some voice in the background that believed that I could only ever feel love if it came from another a source outside of myself.  

When relationships ended, I lost myself and often felt like I was floundering to figure out how to fill that perceived void.

It wasn’t until December of this past year that I really started to understand what it meant to love myself and what that entailed.

You see, in December I finally started to feel for the first time like my heart had healed from my dad’s passing.  Something I don’t share with many people is that when my dad died, I also lost a relationship with someone who had been in my life and who I believed was my soulmate for 18 years.

On the heels of my dad dying, this man promptly disappeared as well.  In the end, I am grateful that I learned what he was made of when I did but it didn’t change the heartbreak at the moment.  

These 2 incredibly important men in my life had suddenly disappeared almost at the same time.

Talk about a rude awakening.  I was suddenly face-to-face with the fact that I had no sense of how to find that love, and acceptance, that sense of OK-ness inside of myself.  

I realized that my whole life, I had repeated the same pattern with partner after partner and it had to stop now if I would call in the man I had asked the universe for. I had to be 100% congruent, pono, and in love with me. I wasn’t willing to look to someone or something else to fill any voids anymore.  That is my job and when I do meet him, I want it to be because I am whole, healed, complete, and totally happy with just me. And to be with him will be just a wonderful way to kick life up a notch for us both.

It took me 9 months.  I guess it was a gestation period of sorts until the new me could be born.  But then there she was. And interestingly enough the awakening came right around the time of my birthday.  I realized it was time to learn how to fall in love with myself. That if I was going to be truly happy, not just in a relationship but in my life overall, I had to reignite the flame inside.  The passion and love for myself.

So, I made a decision to invite 7 of my dearest friends and Huna sisters to join me in a ceremony where I essentially chose to marry myself.  

I wrote vows to myself and asked the ladies to also share with me the wisdom they had cultivated about themselves that they wished to bestow upon me.  I was gifted a ring by one of my students and decided I would use that as my wedding ring. I had each of the ladies put a blessing/positive energy into the ring.

I said goodbye to my dad and vowed that I would love myself the way he loved me.  That I would treat myself the way I would want my partner to treat me.

I began to up the game on my self-care practices and I started to take myself out on dates!  I went to shows, movies, took myself out to dinner, and even bought myself beautiful lingerie.  It was so so much fun.

It was the best thing I have ever done for myself and every day I return to those vows and recommit to loving me first, best, and above all else.

From this space, I have been able to become the woman I am meant to be.  The woman my father saw when he looked at me. It made me a better friend, a better teacher, a better coach, a better human being all around.  

I walk around feeling grateful and truly loving life.  Even when I have a shit day (and that certainly happens) I can pause and find the silver lining, because there always is one.

So, dear one, when I say fall in love, it has to start with you before it can translate to anyone or anything else.

Whether you do a full-fledged ceremony like I did or simply quietly make a vow to yourself, I invite you to commit to you.  Bright, beautiful, magnificent you before all else.

From my loving heart to yours…unconditionally,
PK

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