Know Who You Are

Dr. John Ryan often starts off our NLP training talking about the two big problems we tend to face as human beings.

1. Finding our purpose

2. Fulfilling that purpose.

From a Huna perspective that is also true and inside the pillars of resilience I created about 4 years ago, that theme also runs true.  In fact, if you look at any of the ancient wisdom traditions they tend to emphasize the importance of knowing who you are or uncovering your dharma as a key aspect of moving down a path toward enlightenment.

In our western culture, we tend to get it kind of out of order. When we are in college we think, what should I do? We tend to pick a path based on what our parents or society tells us is “responsible” because ultimately it is about being able to support ourselves and make money.  We go after having things.

Get the degree, the job, the house, the money, the cars, the spouse etc.

There is nothing wrong with having things at all. It is just that often from that approach, we are left feeling a little empty and asking ourselves why we aren’t fulfilled or happy even though we have “everything.”

We feel guilty and think, there has to be more to life than this.  I should be doing something else. Then maybe we change jobs, careers, spouses, locations, any number of things to figure out what may be lacking.

The truth is that nothing is lacking.  We have simple either lost our way and our sense of identity or we just didn’t have that to begin with.

I struggled with this for what seemed to be like forever.  I thought I was following my passion in becoming a performer rather than the doctor my family wanted me to be but then when my life got turned upside down after my divorce I realized that my identity had been wrapped up in what I was doing for a living and in being a wife.

So, without those things, who was I?

The same thing happened when my father passed away.  Despite the fact that I was finally doing what I loved in a field that truly does feel like my calling, when he passed away, my identity came into question because I didn’t realize just how much of who I identified with was wrapped up in him.

It was his passing that put me on the path of really getting a sense of who I am.  I am not my what I do for a living or even who I am to the people in my life. Who I am runs a great deal deeper than that and it is a great deal bigger than that.

When I got clear on that, everything I was doing started to flow with so much more ease. I could simply be me on stage when I teach. I could be me with my clients. I could be me in my interactions with my friends and family.

No apologies, no shame, and nothing that is wrapped up in anyone or anything else but me.

When you know who you are.  I mean really know who you are everything else makes sense and you not only get clear on what it is you really want to do, but you also get the value of nurturing yourself.  You realize that you are not just a physical body. You have an emotional body that needs care, a mental body that needs stimulation, and a spiritually body that has been waiting for you to connect.

When you are in the space of your beingness, all that you desire and deserve flows to you with little effort.

This doesn’t mean you sit back and do nothing. It means what you do feels right.  It feels like home. It feels like you are pono or totally congruent in your own skin.

It is an ever evolving process and it takes a lot of inner exploration but man is it worth it when you start to see and stand in your own light.

And remember that “no matter who you think you are, you are so much more than that” -Matthew B James.

So, who are you really? It starts with a question and a willingness to start hearing the answer because the only place it comes from is your own heart.

It is a quiet whisper so listen well.

From my loving heart to yours.

With Aloha,



When You Lose Someone

I got up yesterday feeling a little off though I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was. I did my usual morning routine of meditation and my workout and after getting ready for my day, I sat down for my first coaching call of the day.
The call went great but I was keenly aware that something was notably off about my energy.
After the call, I decided to take my dog for a walk by the water because I figured if I connected with nature and especially the water element, that would really help.
As I walked down to the beach I began to realize that it was exactly one year ago today (this was written on March 6th) that I got to see my dad alive for the last time.
The last memory I have of him is so sweet it brings tears to my eyes and a smile on my face every time I think about it.
My brother and I were with our dad in my brother’s home office drinking Scotch (yes I drink Scotch) and I wanted to share a stand-up show with the two of them that had made me laugh so hard I could hardly breathe. We were all standing in his office as I cued up the show to the bit that had me in stitches (it was about the comedian’s experience with our TSA so as you can imagine with all my travel I found it hilarious). The picture in my mind is of the two most important men in my life (and also my two favorite human beings) and I laughing our asses off. My dad was always a pretty quiet guy so to hear him laugh out loud and with such gusto was such a treat.
 I wanted to bottle that moment up. I wanted to stitch it into my heart forever because it was so precious. I didn’t realize at the time just how much. We watched a little more and then decided we would all call it a night. I remember hugging my dad and saying goodbye because he was leaving in the morning earlier than I was so I wasn’t going to see him before he took off.
You don’t realize just how important goodbyes really are until you have lost someone dear to you. Every day, I wish that I had hugged him a little longer. That I had told him I love him one more time. I would honestly give anything to go back and relive that moment again. It’s not that I have regrets at all just a longing to hold my dad again.
It was exactly one week later that he passed away from a heart attack. Funny and I don’t know why but I didn’t get to talk to him again despite the fact that usually, we talked on a daily basis.
I guess that last sweet memory is what I was meant to be left with.
I thought about all of this as I took my pup to the spot where I officially said goodbye to my dad this past December around the time of my birthday.
I had a group of friends with me as I wrote his name on a piece of paper, which I burned and scattered in the wind at the top of this bluff overlooking the ocean near my house. I would often go up there and talk to him on the phone when he was alive so it seemed like the right place for me to set him free. In my mind, a part of him is still there on that bluff and so I sat there with him yesterday and I cried.
I didn’t fight it. I didn’t resist, I just cried because it was what felt right. I knew it wasn’t baggage but simply appropriate sadness that needed to be expressed.
And when I was done crying, I sat quietly for a while just feeling the breeze. I associate my dad with the air element because I remember the day I got to see his body at the funeral home, I came out, sat down outside and was so aware of this beautiful gentle breeze that caressed my face as I did Ho’oponopono with him. I feel him in the breeze all the time now. So yesterday as I sat there, after being with him for a while, I decided I would do Ho’oponopono with him again.
This ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness is the thing that has made grieving his loss and healing from it so much easier.
I don’t know where I would be without all the techniques that we teach and practice at The Empowerment Partnership and this one is the one that has helped me the most in this process.
I have the honor of teaching it to our students at our next Practitioner training and I do so with so much reverence because it saved my life.
My teacher and mentor Dr. Matt James wrote a beautiful book about it and it was actually his thesis when he got his Ph.D. in health psychology. So not only do we know it works because it has been around for thousands of years, but now there is research to back it up as well.
There are 3 different ways to use it.
  1. To be free of baggage with someone that has wronged you
  2. To strengthen a bond with someone that you still have a relationship with
  3. To say goodbye to someone who has passed away so you can disconnect from the vessel and allow the memory of them to live on in your mind and heart.
We teach it at our training and if you want to learn more or read the book, click here.
As I write this I am on a plane to Miami which was where I was at, our practitioner training, last year when I got the news of my father’s death. Anniversaries of these kinds of events are never easy and I also know that I go into this time with fondness, peace, and nothing but love in my heart for my dad.
I think he would be proud of the work I do and I carry him with me in my heart every time I get up on that stage or get on a call with a client. He was a teacher and as I follow in his footsteps I hope to honor him and do him proud.
I love you daddy.
From my loving heart to all of yours,
With Aloha,

How Do I Make It Easier?

As many of you know, I am on the road well over 50% of the year. Being that it was my first full year of that kind of travel last year, I didn’t know just how challenging it would be.

I don’t just mean in terms of not being home and maintaining routines. I mean even just small things like having to pack an unpack my freaking toiletries every time I came home.

That and eating as much hotel food as I did, even though I always choose the healthiest thing on the menu, took its toll big time.

Not to mention that my overall health and fitness took a backseat too.

So during our break this past December I decided I was going to do it differently in 2018.

Whether you travel a little or a lot, I wanted to share with you the 10 things that I have implemented that have made my life SO much easier and have really kept me on track, even, on the road. Alisa Vitti who is an expert in women’s health and especially hormone balance and adrenal fatigue, says in her book Woman Code that we often think that going on a vacation or work trip means we don’t have to do our regular routines or it will be hard to do them and the truth is that when you go away, your brain is primed for creating new neural pathways so to create a new habit is actually easier and to maintain your routines is really important.

  1. The first thing I did was to get some great gear. Having a lightweight, easy to maneuver suitcase is huge. They are so reasonably priced at Costco. I got a set of 2 for $150!
  2. I got two of everything in my toiletries and makeup. One of the biggest hassles was just packing and unpacking that stuff every time. Now I don’t even have to think about it. That stuff just stays in my suitcase.
  3. If I know that I am going to be gone for more than 3 days (which is most times for me), I take with me a second smaller suitcase which I lovingly refer to as my kitchen. In it, I have a small collapsible silicone tea kettle, a portable blender, a small hot plate (yes that says hot plate. I’ll explain in a moment), and all of my supplements and protein shakes. See, I am determined this year to keep my food as clean as possible!
  4. I started researching meal delivery services in all the cities I go to before I get there and I have as many clean meals as days I am there delivered to my hotel…hence the hot plate so I can reheat the food. Now, you could use the microwave but I don’t use them because of what they do to food…discussion for another time.
  5. I have Beachbody on demand! See, I hate hotel gyms and I don’t have the luxury of staying at a hotel that has a nice run path nearby so the on-demand option lets me have hundreds of workouts at my fingertips wherever I go.
  6. I made a commitment with one of my colleagues that we would work out together every day when we are on the road together. This way, on the days when I don’t want to get up 5:30 I just do because we made a commitment to each other to keep us accountable.
  7. Melatonin, sleep mask, and earplugs. Sleep is so important. I make sure I am going to get the good kind. I also have a white noise app on my phone which I like because it drowns out anything that could wake me up.
  8. I stick to my spiritual practices. This is huge. I meditate every day and do my Ho’oponopono (Hawaiian practice of forgiveness) every night. This is just maintenance. When I don’t do it, I feel a huge difference.
  9. When I get back, I immediately unpack and do laundry. I find if I wait, it feels like a chore but if I do it right away, it is almost like the completion of the trip
  10. I practice gratitude. On any day whether I am traveling or at home, I finish the day looking back (recapitulation) and highlighting the 3 things I am most grateful for. This keeps me energized and I go to bed feeling awesome

Some of these things are easy and some take a little doing but all of them have seriously upgraded my experience as a road warrior. I hope you find a few nuggets to make your travel life easier as well.

Planning ahead is the key to success in anything. I love the quote, “Failing to plan is planning to fail”. Now, we don’t really buy into the failure in NLP (There is no such thing as failure only feedback) and the quote makes a good point about thinking ahead.

Here’s to your continued success and resilience!

From my loving heart to yours with Aloha,



What Are Your Patterns?

I was recently at a networking event. Now, I am not usually a fan of these things and I was glad I went.

As I walked around meeting people and telling them about what I do, I found myself saying over and over again that I am a coach that works with high-achieving game-changing people who are killing it at work and as a result, also killing themselves and their relationships in the process.

It was the simplest way to define what resilience coaching is really about for me.

Why am I so passionate about doing this work? Because I was the very person that I now serve.  In fact, as recently as this past year, I nearly burned myself out.

A couple of months ago, after feeling exhausted all of the time, I decided to get some tests done to see what the heck was going on with my body.

You see, empowerment and resilience are not just about the mind and the emotions, we have to take into consideration what our bodies are doing as well. One is not independent of the other.  They are in fact, interconnected and interdependent.

So, I got these tests done to measure my hormone levels because I knew something had to be done. It didn’t make sense. I exercise, I eat well, and yet I was exhausted and gaining weight instead of maintaining or losing.

Well, as it turns out, I was suffering from adrenal fatigue to the degree that the doctor told me it was a good thing we found out when we did because I was just shy of levels that would require me to be hospitalized.

That was my wake up call. As a result, I got really serious about my self-care.  It was bigger than just the basics.  I had to get serious about rest and down time and really doing things to help me recover. I am not going to tell you what I did because it is so individual and unique for each person.

Over and over again I see my clients running the same pattern that I had been running for a year; run yourself ragged until you get sick or injured and then, and only then, give yourself permission to actually let your body rest and take physical, mental and emotional downtime.

Some of my clients fight to keep this pattern alive because it is all they have known and who they have been for so long. In some cases this patterns allows us to avoid the deeper wounds that we don’t want to face.

I get it.  It took illness, injury, and almost getting hospitalized for me to get the message.

And the thing is, now that I have taken the measures to remedy it and created a new pattern, I have never been more productive.

I get up every morning at 5 AM with no alarm! I have so much energy sometimes I workout twice a day and my mental clarity and focus are better than they have ever been.

All this simply because I chose to STOP the insanity and make myself a priority.

I know that it isn’t necessarily easy, but ask yourself this, is it easier to care for yourself now, or wait until after your body feels broken?  It is really up to you.

So dear one, if you are among the many incredible people who are just destroying it professionally but also destroying your health and the relationships that matter the most to you, I invite you to reconsider.  It is NOT heroic to put yourself, your needs, and your self-care second.  It is not a measure of your achievement to get sick in the process and you certainly CANNOT be of service and come from a spacious and open place of love if you can’t give that to yourself first and foremost.

It isn’t easy for me to admit that I wasn’t practicing what I teach for a long time and I can tell you, now that I do, I actually feel congruent, authentic and truly like myself.

You deserve that too. So, what are you going to do about?

From my loving heart to yours.

With Aloha,



Feel Your Feelings

I just watched a pretty great TED talk about the importance of feeling our emotions and in it, Psychologist Susan David talks about how often she hears people tell that they don’t want to feel an emotion. Stating often that “I don’t want to do it because I don’t want to feel disappointed” or “I just want this feeling to go away.” She makes a great point that the only people who don’t bump up against disappointment or the stress of being alive are people who are actually dead…as in deceased. Anyone who is up to something, be it raising a family, being in a relationship, or making a difference in the world is going to have normal emotions that are uncomfortable and sometimes even seemingly unbearable.

When my dad passed away last March and then an important relationship ended on the heels of that, I felt every emotion. Many of them incredibly difficult and really freaking uncomfortable. I remember saying to my coach, my mom, my friends, “I just want to stop feeling like this.” I wanted that sadness to go away. I wanted the heaviness of that grief to lift already. And no amount of NLP or release work was going to do it.

I teach techniques to release negative emotions and I couldn’t get out from under mine.

But what I realized was this. The techniques we teach are designed to release baggage. Unwarranted or inappropriate negative emotions that prevent us from moving forward and doing what we are meant to do in this lifetime. What I was experiencing was normal and it was healthy.

Being sad when a loved one dies or a relationship ends or we experience disappointment because a business venture falls flat is normal and we MUST allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling. When we don’t, we actually CREATE baggage because we shove the emotions down and do not let them process and move out.

It felt like an eternity went by before I could experience real true joy after my dad passed away and the process of grieving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But when I actually allowed myself to lean into the process, feel, and UNCONDITIONALLY accept whatever was coming up as the healing was happening, the tide began to shift and I started to see the light again.

My own resilience was a culmination of a lot of things, many of which I teach on and coach people with and my healing began with acceptance. As Susan David says in her TED talk, “Tough emotions are a part of our contract with Life.”

So, dear one, if you are going through something big right now and it is uncomfortable, I feel you. Lean in, surrender, and trust that this will pass. And though you may not be able to see it, that light inside of you is still on, even if it is a bit dim right now. It will shine again, brighter than ever.

From my heart to yours with Aloha,


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The Slight Edge…

There’s a book I love called the The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.

In it he talks about the importance of doing things everyday that move you forward on your path to your goal. They don’t have to be huge, in fact it is the little things done with consistency over time that make the biggest difference.

As he says, they are “easy to do, and just as easy not to do.” Success is a daily practice. I know that sometimes it can feel challenging and, it is in those moments when we are most challenged, that the daily practices are most important.

When an unexpected obstacle shows up or there is a massive loss or big transition, it can be tempting to fall away from our daily routines and commitments.

We can even use those moments as reasons or excuses not to do what we know is in our best interest. It is exactly in those times, that recommitting and reconnecting to our bigger purpose and the bigger why is crucial.

As I go through my own time of transition with the loss of my dad, I can attest to it. There have been days when I “just don’t feel like it”. But I will tell you that it is especially on those days that getting my workout in or doing that daily meditation have been my saving grace.

Being gentle with yourself is important and you can do that and still stay consistent when you connect to that bigger reason why what you are doing matters to you.

Everyday will be different, sometimes you will take massive action, sometimes it will be a step. But no matter how big or small the action is, it adds up over time.

Acknowledge yourself for staying in the game and trust that your focus, patience and perseverance will pay off.



As Jim Morrison wrote, “No one gets out of here alive.” You’ve got one life, and it’s short. Enjoy it. It is possible to take something seriously, be focussed, and still inject some fun and humor into it.

I share this with you in the spirit of total transparency because I realized that I haven’t been having enough fun. I have been super focussed and disciplined (both good things to be) and somewhere in there, I started taking things way too seriously and forgot to laugh and enjoy the process.

Given that fun is a super high value of mine in just about every area of my life, I knew that had to change and fast! So, I asked myself 2 things.

1. How can create a little more time and space to let my hair down and have fun?


2. How can I bring an element of fun into everything I do whether I love it or it’s just something that has to get done?

Now, I don’t have a lot of time, so I had to get creative. A short coffee date with a friend in the middle of a crazy day, yoga/run dates with people I love, belting showtunes while driving in traffic, even just sitting outside while I work…you get the idea. It wasn’t much but it is amazing how when I started weaving in just a little fun, my productivity actually increased and everything started to feel a little easier.

So, my question for you is, could you be having more fun?

Not sure where to start? I wasn’t either and even if you don’t have time to commit to extracurricular activities, don’t stress it, there are so many ways to enjoy the moment and bring fun into everyday activities.

Begin looking at your daily rituals and lighten them up a bit! Sing in the shower. Dance while getting dressed. Do partner push ups with your SO.

Whatever it is that makes you smile- do a little more of that! Honestly, you can bring play and fun into just about anything. How will you do it this week?


How best can I deal with this situation? If you can learn to ask yourself this question, and adapt your response and approach to the circumstances that are before you, you will be able to accomplish anything.

What separates highly successful people from others is flexibility.

If you get too rigid or attached to your particular approach or point of view you could miss an insight or strategy that could get you to your goal much faster or more efficiently.

The more flexible you are, the more you can learn to perceive obstacles as opportunities to course correct or learn something necessary to fulfilling your purpose. The path is rarely straight or predictable and it is ok to vary your approach as you are getting there.

Thomas Edison was a master at the idea that there is no failure, only feedback. When asked about his failed attempts at creating the light bulb he simply replied, “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.”

So, take the feedback, change up the approach and maintain your focus on your destination. You will be amazed at what will unfold when you roll with what presents itself on your journey rather than resisting. Here’s to your success!




What is at the end of your rainbow?

What if I told you that there’s a way to make your own luck to get it? Sounds crazy right?! The truth is many people who seem “lucky” have actually built their luck. Sometimes unconsciously through their daily actions without even knowing it. Luckily for us (see what I did there!) we can harness fate in our own hands and achieve our hearts desires.

Many times what we brand as luck is actually just opportunity in disguise! So how can we get lucky? Firstly, don’t shy away from social settings. Put yourself out there to meet new people, introduce these new people to your old friends. Make connections. Since luck is actually just opportunities the more connections you make the more you will have.

Try something new, take a chance and push yourself outside your comfort zone. Whether it be a new class, hobby or project. Push your limits and watch what happens!

Lastly, pay it forward!!! The old saying is true, what goes around comes around. Manifest your positive energy into the world and help others. The universe will return it back.


Spring Cleaning…

Spring is my favorite time of year. The days get longer, everything is blooming and it’s the perfect time to reconnect with yourself and grow. 

The term spring cleaning has been around for a long time. I like to think about it as getting back to the basics, clearing out all the unnecessary stuff that has built up, and reinstating good positive habits.

Though I believe in cleaning up the mental and emotional body, it is always good to start with the physical first. Usually your physical surroundings are manifestations of what is going on inside. By going through the act of cleaning, organizing and setting up a sanctuary in our home you create a foundation for clearing out the mental and emotional clutter as well.

Start with your immediate space. That area in your home that is set up for personal work. This can be your office, meditative space, workout area, wherever is special and for you. Clean it, organize it, sage it. If you have any house projects that have been put off get them accomplished.

Once you have cleaned up your physical space, pull out those goals you wrote months back. Do a little check in with yourself. What have you done well? What needs to be reevaluated? Now that you have made physical space for yourself reset your intention for those goals you are working towards reaching. What action do you need to take? Set those actions, calendar them in and use whatever resources you have to ensure they will happen. 

It’s incredible the shift that can occur when we clean space physically and how that affects our mental and emotional well being.

And if you are then ready to take this clearing work to the next level, hit me up and we will uncover what needs to get cleaned up in your mindset and emotions to get you to those goals.

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