A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about leaning in. It is a fundamental aspect of healing and transformation to come to a space of unconditional acceptance of what is. In fact, it is one of the 7 Pillars of Resilience as I have humbly been able to identify them.
Since they came to me in that divine download, I do my very best every day to live by them and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge and confess that at times can feel impossibly hard.
I have been going through an interesting time in my life this past month and a half. There have been massive transitions which I definitely didn’t see coming while trying to navigate my way through another truly complicated and challenging situation and simultaneously celebrating and grieving my dad all over again. (That is the nature of Father’s Day I guess).
And today while waiting at the airport terminal I suddenly found it all so painful that I honestly didn’t feel like I could breathe. In my effort to avoid the pain (because it is human nature do that), I tried listening to music, (turns our sad songs only make matters worse), calling friends to distract me (luckily nobody answered), and everyone’s favorite, scrolling through social media. The truth? Nothing helped.
So, I thought what the hell. Let me just go ahead and practice what I teach and lean into all this discomfort.
And this little resistant voice pipe up and said, “but Pegah, what if it just hurts too much?” It was a legitimate question and I found myself responding with an NLP response…”Too much as compared to what?”
The answer just made me laugh. The fact is that we can’t compare our pain. To say something hurts too much is comparing it to something but leaving out what we are comparing it to. And when I actually stepped back to attempt to compare this pain to the pain of actually losing my dad, or the loss of past relationships, or other past challenges, I realized that they are each unique. Each exquisite in their own right. Each worth their very own brand of sadness. This is just one more moment in time sent to allow me to practice the grace of self-acceptance, and the very human gift of experiencing pain to really know and appreciate all that is pleasurable in my life.
All of that saying “yes” to it, slowly made the hurt begin to dissipate. All that embracing what is, simply allowed it to dissolve. It is all energy after all and able to transmute and change form. So it did. All that hurt suddenly began to soften into my heart and take its rightful place next to all the other events in the past that have taught me so much. All the lessons that continue to allow me to step fully into who I am and move gracefully down the path of fulfilling my purpose.
So dear one, next time it hurts, and I know it is never fun when it does, what if you just began to pay attention to it with love and compassion? What if you just said “yes” and allowed it to be there until it was ready to dissolve? What if you didn’t numb it, shove it down, or distract yourself from it? I wonder if there might be a moment of clarity inside that pain just before it fades and integrates into your loving heart.
From my aching heart to yours…